Category Archives: Other Funny Things

Don’t be tempted by the Easter Bunny

So proud of myself not to be tempted by the Easter Bunny, I’m sorry to hear that some women don’t have a lot of willpower. Not to brag, but I personally have a tremendous amount of willpower. In fact, I haven’t even touched the many SWEET JESUS I WOULD KILL FOR A F*$#ING CHOCOLATE EGG, AND MARSHMALLOW CHICKEN Peeps I bought for my Cutie Patootie’s Easter Basket. Nope, not a single piece of scrumptious, Cadbury Cream Easter Egg has passed by my determined red lips. You see, I am not tempted, it’s important to remember that dieting OMG, A BASKET OF jellybeansAMPHETAMINE is a mental game. And one needs to stay strong of mind and appreciate that your body’s health is far more important than GET INTO MY MOUF, YOU DELICIOUS MILK CHOCOLATE BUNNY RABBIT a few moments of sugary weakness. For it is our strength that keeps us looking good...

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Health Screening

I recently received a bill for lab work from my “free” health screening my Insurance provided for me to insure my good health. You may or may not imagine my thoughts on this, it doesn’t matter because my thoughts changed again when I received the explanation of my benefits.   March 10th, 2014 Dear Sir/Madam/Dependent/Spouse/Other/Dependent#2, This notice is to inform you that the procedure/treatment performed on February 19, 2014 is not covered under your health plan by reason code L0L. Receiving an explanation of benefits showing that a service was not covered can be confusing and frustrating. You may have figured out that your coverage contains a wide range of benefits and resources unavailable to you. You might wonder if, deep down, we care about your health or mock you in times of illness or injury. You might feel that we are dashing your 2014...

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Perfection is overrated

Perfection is overrated. What would happen if you defined perfect in a way you see fit, If you weren’t out to validate yourself through other people? What would happen if you put forth your best effort because that satisfied YOU? It is my belief that life is too short to spend it living in a state of misery because you are too busy trying to fit the mold of what the world is telling you that you should be. Nothing will ever be perfect. In fact, perfect is a totally subjective term. When you tell yourself you are waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect opportunity, the perfect anything, what you are usually doing is waiting for an opportunity that looks like the one someone already has. Or you are convinced that you will botch up the chance, anyway. Most people who say they are...

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KOREAN SLIP N SLIDE

If you’ve never visited a traditional Korean bathhouse, you’re definitely missing out on quite a colorful experience. There’s a lot to see, and a lot going on at JeJu Sauna and Spa, but don’t be overwhelmed by what I call the Korean Slip N Slide.   First and foremost, it should be noted that if you have any qualms about “public” nudity, you would need to get over them quickly. Did I forget to mention they are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?  Very pleased to read this! My girlfriends and I were off to an awesome start, about to have some fun girl time! I already googled and formed my opinion about the treatments provided here and I wasn’t up for the “hip bath“.  Wooohoooo! Finally we arrive and approached the front counter, where we were given an armband with a micro-chipped code that all...

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A NEW YEAR again

And just like that…it’s all over. A New Year, again! The holiday hoopla is behind us and we now look to a fresh year of possibilities ahead. Some of us like to think about the Spec-Tac-U-Lar memories that the last year has given us, and others just want to flip to January on their calendars and forget last year even happened. A new year again, and I’m happy and thankful to say, I had one of the best holidays seasons of my life; 2013 was definitely a year to remember. But with that, I’m still beyond excited to see what 2014 has in store. Last year, I made zero resolutions and I’m happy to say, I stuck to 100% of them! Sure, I can do better but that’s what 2014 is for. I’ll strive to stick to even more goals I’ve set for myself. One of...

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#follow #love #COMMENT #duh?

#follow #love #COMMENT #duh? Back again today? Good! I’ve been conducting a minimally scientific study of traffic to my blog since I posted days ago. In a session of Martinis garnished with an olive or a lemon twist or maybe Vodka and a splash of Red Bull somewhere in-between A discussion emerged about the use of words like “Read My Blog” or  “You know you want to comment on my Fabulous Blog” Since I was receiving little to no comments,   I immediately re-evaluated my blog and based on the opinion of Christina and myself regarding the input in my post, we determined that the answer was ‘Yes.’  My blog was/is Perfect! And Christina (aka Viva la Diva), whose distinctive voice she’s still working on said, while applying lipstick on her lips, No need to change a thing! So if readers are unable to comment on my...

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A Happy Life

What a Happy Life! Years ago, after explaining the difference between salmon patties and crabcakes, A friend once told me in jest that I would make someone a great trophy wife.  What a Happy Life! While I have always aspired to have nice things, I couldn’t fathom where one would make such an assumption…   Now here I am with many reasons why I have a happy life: My husband is the tall, sexy, handsome love of my life; we have five delightful children; living in my favorite city. I have friends; I have my health; I’m really tired today. I’ve had a really busy day. See, I’m experimenting with a new pose. The whole hand-on-hip thing is getting a bit old (something I’ll never be — yay!). I live such a happy life, Anyway, it’s kind of exhausting standing in my Jimmy Choos in...

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There are two sides to every DIVORCE

Divorce. Di- Vorce. Di Di Di Di VORCE! There was no way of saying it without wanting to vomit. It sounded terrible. I never thought I would EVER be a divorcee. I had this picture in my head of me sitting by myself at a bar, wearing a white tank top with black bra straps and lipstick on my teeth, talking to the bartender about my no good ex-husband. I couldn’t be that person. I wouldn’t be that person. How could I tell people I was even getting divorced? I was a wife. I was the Trophy Wife, for God’s sake! More importantly, how could I spin this? How could I make this work for me? One day, after about a week of not stepping into our home, I decided to go back to pack up a few things, and the house was completely empty....

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Something About Small Talk

I went to the supermarket recently for my weekly shopping trip, one of the few wifey activities I dread. Before I get into my supermarket ordeal, I should mention that Something About Small Talk and picking out tomatoes makes me die a little. It’s gotten to the point where I smell, poke and squeeze them, and still pick a crappy one. Why God? Why make a “fruit” that’s so complicated? and the whole fruit thing? I’ve chosen not to believe it. Back to the story. So, there I was hanging out in the produce section, when another young lady started picking out tomatoes right next to me. In a panic, I asked her if she could help me select a winner. She did and I thanked her. As I was proudly bagging my tomatoes, the young lady noticed and complemented my ring. I love when that...

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Weight Loss, Gyms, Personal Trainers and Weight Machines that belong in S&M Dungeons

So in February or June….? After a particularly violent episode of  ”Watch Janet struggle to put on her True Religions” I decided it was time to perhaps lose the extra sumthin sumthin that I was passing off as smuggling Oreo’s under my sweater (“Nooo I’m not thick! I just ran out of grocery bags and used the stretchy waistband of my jeggings to help me carry things! I SWEAR!”).   I knew that if I just got a gym membership I would carry the card around in my Prada bag until six months later when I inevitably would throw it out in a cleaning binge. So I did some fancy math and decided if I cut out all the appetizers I’d been eating during happy hour while socializing and the mocha latte’s with whip cream on top and switch to sugar free red bull,I had been doing on the...

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